WOW WOW WOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW..................
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Monday, June 09, 2008
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Memories....
manage to head back to the breakwater at east coast today. Though i've returned to east coast numerous times in the past 4 years, i've never stepped back up onto that break water since that night of Dec 03. come to think of it, 4 and a half years is a long time, not sure why i've never went back since then....maybe i didn't dare....maybe i didn't care....maybe i've moved on, or maybe i didn't.....honestly, i still don't know. why did i go back today, somehow i just can't help thinking that it was more then the fact that everyone was late and i had time to kill....somehow........
memories came back a little at a time. memories of the same feeling of not belonging that let us to excuse ourself from the group; the long walk along the beach, with the foaming sea water washing over our feet and the wet graining sand shifting under us; the easy conversation as we shared, reflected and occasionally teased one another; the comfortable silence sitting on the breakwater staring out of sea, content with the company we gave to one another, and the sudden shriek which was accompanied by hilarious uncontrollable laughter as we realized that the breakwater was home to rat at night...........
as i was sitting there in the warmth of the afternoon with the salty sea breeze against my face, i did also realize today, questions that had not occur to me then. why was i there that day? i didn't know anyone within your group, i had no business whatsoever in going to the other side of singapore, and moreover, we weren't even admittingly in any relationship at all. Just friends....just acquaintances....did we already know we were onto something then? or was it just me, being a single hand trying to clap.
i guess right up to today, i still question myself on the decision she made and the unspoken agreement that we seeming accepted towards the end. unconsciously, i suppose all the 'why's and 'what if's of that, that-was-not-meant-to-be still haunts me today. secretly festering away deep within, influencing the decisions and actions that i have made, or have not dare to make since then. to a certain extent, it has made me who i am today...hmmmmmm....funny how such a brief experience so long ago can have such prolong after effects, how something as sacred and beautiful as that could be that torturous, unforgiving and painful and that faith could be such an bitch.
letting go has never been a skill that i have....and i guess that this is a scar i'll carry permanently. but dun get me wrong, i'm not complaining of anything here. just that maybe writing it down can provide some form of closure.
oh well, nonetheless, today was FANTASTIC..nothing beats blading with sun, sand, sea and great friends to share a day with. should really do this more often, but of course, we must work on moderation when it comes to dinner time...hahahahaha!!!!
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