pre-post declaration:
i'm in no right to complain to be in this pickle, for to be in it, one would already be considered lucky. Moreover, there are other less fortunate than i'm out there, and if anyone should be complaining, its them, not me. so this post is not a complain, but just a sort of commentary, a load of mindless rantings so that i can stop worry bout it and get to work. Do hope i don't sound like a spoilt ungrateful narcissitic brat...
2 phone calls today were the result of this bunch of confusion.
time management,
financial planning,
and prioritising...the 3 answer to my thought which i already know, but.........well........
anyway, looking beyond a life of needs, to a life of choices and wants( that why i say i'm already fortunate, for i've no need to worry bout needs of survival, and desires are the source of my worries). there are tonnes and tonnes of things out there which i've not done, or have not finish doing, that i want to do, but i've never gotten to it due to certain constrains and limits of life. my own life in particular.
i want to do well in my architecture pursuit. not just to pass, but achieve something out of it. for i know i can do much more, and better. Its my passion and that its not just work no more. Mr Farlow once said, if one is doing what he likes, one won't need to work a day in one's life. i want to stop being restless while designing, to stop being a procrastinator, and to stop having mental blocks.
i want to be part of the lives of those i treasure, and not just a hi/bye entity, but to matter, and to be dependable on and to be able to depend on, and to mean more than just another person in another life, to share not just moments joys, but times of trouble, and get one another through it. on top of this, to be much more to one above others, and to do much more for one.
i want to play capoeira. Not just to do it as a 2 times a week health routine thing, but to really incorporate it into my life. the skills and knowledge, that traditions and values, the practices and beliefs. all of which i'm grown to be accustom to and have felt a sense of belonging to. and i want to get better at it, to play with a flow and flexibility, to be decisive and precise in my attacks, to be clean and proper with my floreiros.
i want to dive more, and not just like onces or twice a year. to go back to the santuary thats out there in the deep blue, is like being home. no worries, no troubles, no stress, just to float weightlessly out there, taking in the colours of another world, colours one can never find on terra firma, and to just quietly observe.
i want to go back to endurance sports. though i never like running whatsoever, but the rush of completing a long distance run, or swim, or cycle, that sense of achievement and relieve, its like a drug that nothing can replace. i want to be able to complete that run, or that swim without giving up halfway, and not knowing how it felt like to have completed them.
i want to travel. to see more of the world than that little bit of what i've seen uptill now. For my world is very small now, with parts of malaysia and singappore, a teeny bit of australia, a peek of thailand, a glimpse of scandivania, and a teaspoon of europe. There's so much more out there to be experienced.
i want to skate more.With world rushing by me and wind against my face wisking away the humidity of the tropics, to be be able to achieve such speed by just strapping on a little something, its really an awesome feeling, not replacable by anything else.
and to cap it off, there are other materialistic wants that i have, but i shan't mention them here for i might sound more like the S.U.N.B that i already sound like.
well, back to the start, time management, financial planning and prioritising if done correctly will get me all this, the formal 2 are tough, easier done that said, but the latter, i don't really want to do it, for there are all as important to me....crap....life is a large sour pickle...no wonder i never did like pickles.....
