Am i Mature??

Managed to grab a few minute of chat time on MSN with Ching Chui on Sat. night.
been quite a while since I’ve seen or even heard from her,
but like all my other primary sch. mates,
miracles do happen to the undeserving,
just for info sake, Ching Chui ain’t my classmate at all,
in fact, she’s one year my senior back in Pei Hua Pri.
but she came over to Singapore together with me and Wei Phin.=]

was trying (not…..emphasis on ‘trying’…) to listen and give my view point and advise on a certain issue that she was facing right now,
and well, as usual,
I was trying my best to be more of a listening-ear then an advising-mouth,
anyway, she said I am really mature for my age……
and this got me thinking:
is that a compliment?? or just a nice way of saying you’re OLD!!..haha!!!
and am I really that mature??

the thing is, how do you tell whether a person is mature or not…
based on how he talks?? acts?? behaves??
but all this boils down to how he analyses and thinks in his head,
and to act what you think, doesn’t really occur that often.
I mean very single person puts on facades of different kinds in different situations,
and so, is being mature the ability to put on an appropriate façade in a given situation regardless of how you feel emotionally??
because this is was I think ‘being mature’ has become in our world.

As for myself,
I wouldn’t really consider myself as mature for my age…
(unless I take into account the ‘thirty-year-old face’ I have…haha!!)
I now for a fact, that there a certain things in my life that I can’t settle,
certain problems that I can’t solve,
and certain issues that I refuse to face and choose instead to ignore…

for example,
I’m glad dish out advices to help any friend that is in need,
and I’ll always try my best to help or comfort people I know or to lend a listening ear when ever needed.
However, I’ve come to realized that sometimes,
I tend to do this selectively and randomly.
on occasions I would spend time regardless of everything else to help a friend,
but sometimes I just chose to ignore,
and sink into the so called ‘Victim-Complex’ where I convince myself that I can’t help them even though I want to…
Furthermore, for the same issues and problems that I advice my friends on,
I, myself can carry out what I advise others to do when left in that particular situation which is some what similar.
in other words, I feel like a hypocrite, not being able to do what I advice of other??
A real good example would be in my social and academic life…
and thus, as such I feel that I’m not really that mature after all……

on the flip side,
I have also come to realize some characteristic and behavioral changes on my behalf.
towards the good side that is.
but are these signs of maturity or not, I’ve no idea.
for example,
last Sunday, Wei Yuan they all said they wanted to meet up for lunch and probably a movie after that,
but as my Big Uncle was in town, I told them I would not join them for lunch,
but would meet them after that if they’re doing anything else that is…
and so, they said they would confirm with me again of their plans after lunch.
but the confirmation NEVER CAME!!! I waited and waited and waited for the to reply to my countless messages but they never did,
until I was so worried that I had to call Wei Yuan up to ask.
and to my horror, they had already decided to watch the 3 o’clock movie (time then was 2:45 and I’ve already waited for 2 hours…)
at that point of time,
I wanted to get pissed.
deep down inside I was boiling with anger and just wanted to hurl verbal abuses across the line.
but then……
I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
though it was bloody uncomfortable to control myself,
I did.
but I didn’t want to, and however I tried to explode in anger,
it didn’t happen.
I really wanted to be angry and pissed of, but I couldn’t.
now this was something new to me,
I it got me quite shocked and worried.
the Pek Hong I knew would have been extremely uncontrollably angry.
and he would have at least vent his anger somehow or another over the line.
but then, I didn’t,
now, is this a result of being a little more mature??
I wished it was, but I’m not 100% convinced it is…