I'm MELTING!!!!1

Man… I’m roasting like a chicken in an oven….
E weather’s getting from warm to hot to unbearably roastin…
think I’m like losing weight juz by sweatin…maybe 5kg per day..
hahahaha=]
it’s like a sauna now…..n 2 think people actual payin 2 get into 1..hahaha!!!
i would gladly pay 2 enter a freezer now.

well, I’m down 2 my last 6 hours at home…
in 6 hours time, I would b on my way back 2 spore…
relieved??? A bit….
sad??? Not really…..
moody??? As usual I guess…..
but really look 4wards 2 some peace n quiet once I reach spore…
since every1s home here now, n not leaving till like sun….
*phew*….finally some quiet time…
some personal time…
mayb juz n reflect thru certain stuff…..personal stuff…..

spoke 2 dad last nite…..
seems like its bcoming a kind of father-son thing every time I’m home….
anyway, he started out by asking me stuff bout uni admission n stuff,
but then as we progress, e topic somehow became 2 1 bout lives…
as in life-plannin… or planning 4 e future as its commonly known as…
basically he was trying 2 urge me 2 think further then juz university…
further down e road 2 entering e working world, family planning, financial planning n ultimately planning 4 retirement…..
hmmmmm…..was a bit shockin 4 19teen years old like me….
i mean…..well…now I’m juz like worried bout my tertiary edu n stuff, n retirement?????
seemed a little out of reach…….
but….
oh welz, I guess he’s quite rite….
even though I’ve doubts tt I might not exactly b able to plan my future down 2 e exact minute n second,
but I should think tt having a guideline 2 stick 2 would b better then non…..
at least I wun b fully lost n confused always…..

1 thing we dwelled bout 4 some time was where am I 2 go aft tis….
as in 4 uni…
talk bout NUS n other unis like Sydney n Melbourne n stuff…
e argument was basically is it worth spending so much 4 an oversea degree when u can get a local degree
n e stuff I’ll b studying would really not differ by tt much.
e only thing is….
oversea edu would leave me with an oversea degree n a deficit of a few hundred thousand dollars while local edu wun….
n in terms of quality of edu…..
well, even with a slightly better oversea edu, will I v given e opportunity 2 exploit.. nono.. utilize them????
hmmmmmm....decisions in life…..sigh!!!!!
4 e time being,
i feel tt most likely I’ll still end up ion NUS…
which realli isn’t tt bad….
since I’m oredi used 2 life there….
n all my frenz will still most likely b around.
n mom n dad wun really have 2 fork out tt much to support me……
they could worry more bout my bros…rather then me….

anyway, dad ensured me tt money wun b a prob…
which I think he’s lying 4 me benefit….
he said “this sum is yours, it’s allocated to you, and rightfully belongs to you”
he oso told me tt I’m responsible in ensuring tt I do not lose them….
or let them be un-knowingly or un-intentionally lost 2 others…..
n tt I’m 2 alwaes ask bout it even if I’m no gonna use it anytime soon……
hmmmmm…..well exactly how much he didn’t say…. N actually I dun really care…..
or should i?????

family planning was oso another ‘hot-topic’
stuff like…..
by when 2 get married???
to who??
where 2 reside??
when n why 2 hav my first child???
how many??
their education?? where n how??
Boy…..so serious stuff there….
i think wat hit me e hardest was “to who??”

everywhere I turn, I see couples….loving caring couples….
even when I ain’t wanna think bout it,
somehow or another, especially when I’m doing nothing..like tryin 2 fall a sleep,
‘It’ will sneakily creep in2 my pool of thoughts……….
When??? Who??? Where???
why not soon???
2 add 2 my misery,
V days round e corner….n I’m pretty sure tis year I’ll juz pass by me as un-happening as any other day…….
seein people going round getting stuff 4 their special some1, planning surprises, preparing 4 their other half…..
i bleed with envy…..
while actually feelin happy 4 them,
can’t help but feel really sad 4 myself……
really crappy feeling……
how I wish 2 already hav some1 special…..
some1 I can snuggle up 2 when i feel miserable…..
some1 I can go out of my way 2 please…..
some1 who really appreciates who I am…..
some1 I can love n care n be loved n cared for in return….
some1 special.
man…. I sound really freaking mushy…..
bah!!!!!

well, dad didn’t mention anything bout hows e ‘cold war’ now…..
but from wat I see….
think he’s really tryin make a best out of e situation…..
at least I’ve seen him smile a little more then e past few occasions……
mom’s still e same though…
dunno whether she can realize tt dad’s tryin…….