of wishing and longing

DSC01267, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

maybe a locked box is lock because the one time it was opened, things didn't turn out well. things were lost, precious and priceless things. though don't be mistaken, it wishes and is trying to be opened again, to feel the confine space within it expand beyond the boundaries of infinite, to have its content shared and be share, all these seemed like nothing but wishful thinking as the haunting memory of the past remains locked within.

they say time heals, but not everything i say. some scars do remain.

anyway, today's is one of those day that i've always dreaded,spending a full day at home and not out with friends and treasured one doing the things i really love or want to do.

maybe thats what got me into this situation now when i suddenly have this feeling of being incomplete. it seems to me that nowadays i've been doing things that would have not necessary be in my nature, but as a result of being afraid to offend, or wanting to belong. to an extend, its not doing these things that's bugging me, but its despite doing this things, i still find my self constantly wishing for the better and still to the certain extend, being leftout. even though most of the time feelings as such only surface when my minds idle, but more frequent now than ever. even when i'm with people, and friends. the moments of seeing how they relate to one another so effortlessly, how the process of giving, receiving and sharing is done in such carefree manner, how couples obtain that unconditional love, all this causes a certain pinch inside. do i envy them. to be hornest...............yes.

only the other day, i was talking to a friend whom i was once very close to. i realised how i've been wishfully thinking that certain things are eternal, and forever. and it is comforting to hope that some things in life can be forever. therefore, i've sort of become a person that seem to hold on to things and memories. both bad and good. it seem that this memories are the reason of my desire to feel like i belong, and to a certain extent, has been holding me back for certain things i would like to do, and should have done or tried long ago.

oh welz......i'm hungry.....sigh