A too normal week.

this week hadnt' been really an excellent week,
but then, it wasn't really a bad week either...

certain 'goods' and certain 'bads' occur...
guess this is what a normal week is like for normal people.

anyway, all of this weeks training were not as good,
mainly becaused i missed 3 session last week.
and the truth is,
missing 3 session practically kill all the fitness i've obtain for the past 2 months or so...
it felt shitty, really shitty...
everything was slow and heavy,
there was so much drag,
and i couldn't keep up with training...
oh well, who to blame but me, myself and i....
but must say, compared to Tues, Wed and Thurs,
today's training did felt a little better...
cheers cheers for that.

BUT,
for the second time this year,
i lost my library card and POSBank card again.....AHHHHH!!!!!!!!
F**K!!!!
need to pay another 10 bucks in total to get a replacement....
sigh!!

on the bright side,
i finally came around to sign-up for a basic open water scuba course...
something that i have always wanted to do,
but never got the time of money to.
whatever it is,
i've decided that i should do it now,
spend a portion of my pay to just get away for everything and relax before sch starts....
i can't wait...=]

apart from all this,
i can only add that i was at the 'wrong place at the wrong time' this week.
always assume that she'll be there,
but this only lead to disappointment.....sigh!!!!
and
still no new from OAM and MOE......sigh!!!!again...

~not happy, not sad, a little bored of life~

SmiLeeeeeee............=D

At your doorstep
large and square
a handful of drifted leaves
curl in the step’s corner
finding shelter

although I hesitate
an open door and simple mat
need no biding
to enter irrevocably, parched ---

you offer water
and your smile ---
I’ll drench in your miracle
abducted --- betrothed --- cherished.

Niceeeee..........
today, it came pleasently and unexpectedly,
making total 'smile count' up to 3=D
it really brightened up my whole day...=]
even classes tonight were a breeze after that...
haha!!!!

~More on the brighter side, but still a little worried~

Need to get away.

its a sunday....
and they are all back!!!!
my aunt and family came back 2 days earlier then i expected...
sigh!!!!! there goes my peace and quiet...

anyway,
she's back too...
i'm a little it happy for that,
maybe the spark of hope just go a teeny-weeny bit brighter..
but then so wat,
nothings change,
evrything is still the same...
haiz!!
and still i've not decided on what to do...
no one knows exactly whats happening in me......except myself.

think its time i give myself a break and get away from all this.
feel like going off diving for a weekend.
$450...spending amonths of my pay to escape from all these seems like a really good idea now.
hope being away clears my head.
got to stop worry bout scholarship,
and try to decdide on what to do on the other issue, or to just forget bout it.

~not happy, very worried,and need to get aways soon~

Where.........When.........

She wasn't there.........
sigh!!!

He seemed real happy today.....
why??

Just got a phone call from Yan Bin,
called to ask whether had i got a reply from NUS bout the ASEAN Scholarship....
got me all wrecked up and nervous now....
did i get it or did i not get it???
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
i can't stand waiting for practically everything in my life now no more!!!!!!!!

~a little disappointed and very very worried~

Love and friendship.

"We are each other,

angel with only one wing.

We can only fly,

by embracing one another."

friendship and love might be two things that seem interconnected and related,
but sometimes in life, they seem like two totally different things.
though some might say that the line between being just friends

and going a level higher is a fine one.
however when people arrive at ‘The Edge’,
it seems like a line with an infinite width.
it might be true that friendship happens out of love,
but does love require friendship??
sometimes friendship becomes a hindrance to love.

life is already extremely confusing,
but when this issue of love and friendship come into play…
life becomes beyond confusing.
consider these:

Case 1:
When one wants to bring friendship to the next level,
there is a risk that it might be one sided.
hence if carried out,
a precious friendship might be in jeopardy.
but on the flip side,
loving someone in silence without letting the other know
and not being loved back is e terrible and often unbearable experience.

Case 2:
In the game of love,
many say that it is fair play, where everyone has the chance.
in some ways, it’s like a competition,
where the best player wins.
but what if both ‘players’ in this game of love are originally friends??
friends trying the best to gain the heart of a same someone.
now, can is still be a fair game??
or because of their friendship,
one should give up love for the happiness of his friend??
if that’s the case, who should pull out??

Case 3:
is it necessary for a relationship to start out as friendship??
thus does it mean that those that don’t are doomed to fail?
but if friendship are really the foundation of relationships,
then what is the explaination between the troubles mentioned above??
won’t it be less confusing and in some cases less painful if…
friends are just friends,
and couples are just couples??

Sigh!!!!
being caught in one or more of these situations is indeed unfortunate.

~not as happy and still as confused~

Two Smiles...

Smiles were exchanged today...
two to be specific,
two though normal and common smiles,
and though you there, smiling back at me, didn't know,
but those two smiles meant quite a lot to me.
they were beautiful,
they were special,
and i couldn't stop smiling back at myself whenever i thought of them.
though i don't exactly know why,
but because of these two smiles,
I'm really really Happy...=]

not that miserably, but still confusingly...

Sigh!!!!!
Should I??? or should I not??
i really want to, but then what if things do not turn out the way i hope??....
not that there's anything happening at all right not,
and i'm not exactly happy with it..........
sigh!!!!
just looking at them two together......finally........
means that sweet things like that can actually happen,
and it makes me wanna just do it,
i mean if they can, why can't I??
but why the indecisiveness???? WHY WHY WHY!!!
sigh!!!!*sad*

~miserably and confusingly~

Am i Mature??

Managed to grab a few minute of chat time on MSN with Ching Chui on Sat. night.
been quite a while since I’ve seen or even heard from her,
but like all my other primary sch. mates,
miracles do happen to the undeserving,
just for info sake, Ching Chui ain’t my classmate at all,
in fact, she’s one year my senior back in Pei Hua Pri.
but she came over to Singapore together with me and Wei Phin.=]

was trying (not…..emphasis on ‘trying’…) to listen and give my view point and advise on a certain issue that she was facing right now,
and well, as usual,
I was trying my best to be more of a listening-ear then an advising-mouth,
anyway, she said I am really mature for my age……
and this got me thinking:
is that a compliment?? or just a nice way of saying you’re OLD!!..haha!!!
and am I really that mature??

the thing is, how do you tell whether a person is mature or not…
based on how he talks?? acts?? behaves??
but all this boils down to how he analyses and thinks in his head,
and to act what you think, doesn’t really occur that often.
I mean very single person puts on facades of different kinds in different situations,
and so, is being mature the ability to put on an appropriate façade in a given situation regardless of how you feel emotionally??
because this is was I think ‘being mature’ has become in our world.

As for myself,
I wouldn’t really consider myself as mature for my age…
(unless I take into account the ‘thirty-year-old face’ I have…haha!!)
I now for a fact, that there a certain things in my life that I can’t settle,
certain problems that I can’t solve,
and certain issues that I refuse to face and choose instead to ignore…

for example,
I’m glad dish out advices to help any friend that is in need,
and I’ll always try my best to help or comfort people I know or to lend a listening ear when ever needed.
However, I’ve come to realized that sometimes,
I tend to do this selectively and randomly.
on occasions I would spend time regardless of everything else to help a friend,
but sometimes I just chose to ignore,
and sink into the so called ‘Victim-Complex’ where I convince myself that I can’t help them even though I want to…
Furthermore, for the same issues and problems that I advice my friends on,
I, myself can carry out what I advise others to do when left in that particular situation which is some what similar.
in other words, I feel like a hypocrite, not being able to do what I advice of other??
A real good example would be in my social and academic life…
and thus, as such I feel that I’m not really that mature after all……

on the flip side,
I have also come to realize some characteristic and behavioral changes on my behalf.
towards the good side that is.
but are these signs of maturity or not, I’ve no idea.
for example,
last Sunday, Wei Yuan they all said they wanted to meet up for lunch and probably a movie after that,
but as my Big Uncle was in town, I told them I would not join them for lunch,
but would meet them after that if they’re doing anything else that is…
and so, they said they would confirm with me again of their plans after lunch.
but the confirmation NEVER CAME!!! I waited and waited and waited for the to reply to my countless messages but they never did,
until I was so worried that I had to call Wei Yuan up to ask.
and to my horror, they had already decided to watch the 3 o’clock movie (time then was 2:45 and I’ve already waited for 2 hours…)
at that point of time,
I wanted to get pissed.
deep down inside I was boiling with anger and just wanted to hurl verbal abuses across the line.
but then……
I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
though it was bloody uncomfortable to control myself,
I did.
but I didn’t want to, and however I tried to explode in anger,
it didn’t happen.
I really wanted to be angry and pissed of, but I couldn’t.
now this was something new to me,
I it got me quite shocked and worried.
the Pek Hong I knew would have been extremely uncontrollably angry.
and he would have at least vent his anger somehow or another over the line.
but then, I didn’t,
now, is this a result of being a little more mature??
I wished it was, but I’m not 100% convinced it is…

S.C.U.B.A.

today was another quality day spent with none other then…….ME!!!
Me, Myself and I…..=]

had lunch with Jesse at Kent Ridge after dropping off the Matriculation Form at NUS.
and it was a good thing that I did,
if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have found out that there are things that I still need to apply for before Semester starts…….
*phew*…..what a relief!!!!!

Anyway, highlight of the day came towards the later part of the afternoon.
I WENT SCUBA DIVING……in a three by three by four metre tank….hahaha!!!!!
was strolling around Suntec and coincidentally they were having some sort of Diving promotion with free try-outs….
and to think yesterday night I saw an ad. on the paper on a SCUBA course for $400++ I think…..
so immediately I jumped at the chance of trying that out right there on the spot…..
and man…..IT WAS FREAKING COOOOOOLLLLLL!!!!!!
minus the part where I had to be in a body suit right at the entrance of Suntec,
waiting to jump in a Toilet cubicle size tank of water…..
hahahaha!!!!!!!!
but then, the awkwardness of that was way compensated by the opportunity to try out diving=]…….
hahaha!!!!!!
took a dive with Mike, the on site instructor,
and learned some of the basics of SCUBA diving…
though it was only a 20-30 minute thingy a lifeless container tank (not including me and Mike, the instructor)
but it sure was worth my time……
the feeling of being able to stay underwater without worries was so freaking coooool!!!!
it was like total freedom…. (imagine it was in the sea instead of a tank)...hahaha!!!
maybe I’ve just found the right hobby to replace canoeing……
only problem is, it might have to steep a price tag for me to take on……..
think NUS has a diving club……….hmmmmm……
gonna check that out right now……
BYE!!!

A good start to a hopefully good week=]

this week has been quite a good week until now=]
one thing for sure, I truly enjoyed coaching this week……=]

Monday was my maiden coaching session at a primary sch.
and up till that day, the only primary sch. kid that I was in contact with was my ‘cousin from hell’
so just can imagine the intensive mental preparation and psyching up I need to do……
I was absolutely terrified, and was really prepared for the worse.
furthermore, after the smooth sailing at Xin Min Sec, and Maris Stella High,
it was a jump from the cliff into hell at Zhong Hua Secondary……
and to add to my misery, ‘Study Skills’ was the topic, not just a new topic for me, but also a bloody boring topic in my opinion….

However, to my pleasant surprised…
it was one of the best lesson ever……on the same league as Xin Min Sec.
not only did the kids enjoy themselves,
I think I enjoyed it more then them…..hahahahahahaha!!!!!!
some how it was so easy relating to them,
and bringing myself down to their level to communicate with them wasn’t as difficult as I imagine….=D
the kids were absolutely 100% captured by the lesson and its was laughter all the way through, from the start to the end…..
man….the sense of achievement after that lesson was terrific,
what a morale booster it was for me, and what appropriate timing too….
it’s the kind of sch that brings back the joy of coaching when I’m already given up hope of any improvements…..
hahahaha!!!!!
THANKZ Group 5 of Maha Bodhi Primary…=]

More over, the comments on my evaluation forms were the best ever……
what really touched me was that one of the kids actually passed me a note after the lesson,
and written on a nicely folded paper was just a simple line of:
‘YOU’RE THE FUNNIEST COACH EVA!!!’
to some, they might just say, “so what??”
but for me, I was really really touched.
that smile when she handed me that note told everything…..
and it was really a sincere and honest compliment without any hidden underlining meanings….
when she ask whether I would be continuing the lessons today, and found out that someone else was to stand in for me instead,
that was true disappointment in was voice and expression…..I felt so helpless at that time(“,)
what to do, I had to attend training today…..
but THANKZ A LOT Zi Hui!!!!!!!!=D

for kids that age, I would like to believe that they’re still saying what they actually feel,
and not re-package their thoughts and feelings into a manner that is hidden behind a false façade.
even now, I can’t stop myself from smiling when I’m writing this…..
every laughter and smile and happiness expressed during that lesson was really,
was from the heart, and none involve sarcasm what so ever.
nothing was fake,
nothing was done out of pretence
and everything said and done was meant what they meant…..=]

training yesterday afternoon went really really well……
maybe it was because of the ‘best-ever’ coaching session that morning,
haha!!!!
went down in Hath absolutely loved it….
was ahead and happy with everything I was doing…
there wasn’t no drag, nor was there any struggling for balance…..
everything was A-OK between me and Hath…..=]
perfecto!!!!

alright… time for me to hit the bed….
tomorrow’s AC-ing at East Spring Primary,
at 0715hr…..
and where’s East Spring Pri………
TAMPINES!!!!!!! takes like the other end of S’por….
have to wake up at 0500hr again……sigh!!!!
oh welz, got Yina to come along too…..
hope she’ll like it…..hahaha!!!!!!
Nites Yall!!!!!