A failure........

wat are with kids nowadays….
is life really tt harsh on them tt they become discourage and dis-hearten most of e time??
well…..today,
I felt tt I’ve failed terribly as a tutor….
today’s E. math tuition was terrible….
they were all so stoned…
plus Ethel was being extremely difficult today….
I was on the verge of flaring up, looking at how she was juz wasting time….
mine, the others and her own……
all full of complains and nothing else….
haiz….
can’t seem to get through to them….
was on the topic of coordinate geometry,
a topic I did with them 2 weeks ago, n today was juz a revision….
taught them again n again bout the procedures and methods of tackling the ques,
but they juz can’t seem to retain wat was taught….
most of e time, they juz stared at me as if I was speaking Martian or something….
sigh!!!! wat wrong????
is it the way I speak??
but I dun mumble, n I’m speaking like 60% of my normal speed….doing slow n steady
is it the way I teach??
but then I’ve repeated and repeated and repeated most of the methods in different approaches…..
is it because of their own mentality??
at least I think so….
everytime I give them a question,
their comments r normally,
“HAR!!!! (frown)”…. “crap”….. “so difficult”…….or juz *silence* and stare blankly at e paper……
mentality they are drowning in either ignorance or self-pity…
self-pity for most, but ignorance for Ethel……Bloody hell!!!!!!!!!
and I thought bring tit-bits into class to give them a treat would motivate them…..
give them something else to ‘distract’ them for dreading maths so much…..
but well….it was freaking useless…
haiz……..

went to watch e movie a series of unfortunate events b4 tuition today….
was giving myself a treat for working extremely hard last week=]
anyway,
all I can say was….
I sort of expected better….
thought it wasn’t as bad till e extend of me falling asleep,
but,
think it was only Good-To-Watch-On-VCD-but-Not-Worth-The-Big-Screen…
mayb it was because I was pathetic enuf to watch it by myself….
hmm……….

1 interesting fact tt i learned today....
the longest word of the english language currently is:
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
meaning 'a lung disease caused by inhalation of very fine silica dust'
cool!!!!!

A song tt touched me deep inside=]

My Valentine…
If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you

If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine

All of my lifeI have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly

I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
In my dreams i couldnt love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine

La da da
Da da da da

And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
Cuz all i need
Is you, my valentine

You're all i need
My love, my valentine

By Martina McBride

hee...=D

alrite!!!!!
I’ve finally completed and sent in my NUS application…..
*phew*…..wat a relieve…=]
so now,
the agonizing and painful wait for the reply from NUS has begun…..
I really really really hope they’ll give it to me…
fingers crossed=]

well, tis is the last week of march liao…..
boy, 3 months into 2005…..
3 months worth of life as a non-student,
3 months of working life….
its sure feels different…..haha=D
juz within tis short 3 months,
so much has happened……
-yet another lonely valentine,
-getting my 1st job….the my 2nd……then my 3rd…..
-converting one of my greatest Ex-fears (public speaking) into wat I do for a living now….
-receiving my results…..
-trying to accept my results….
-rowing my forth K2 race…..
-coming home empty handed in my 2nd consecutive SDBA….etc etc……
hahahaha!!!!!!!!!
quite a jammed-packed 3 months I could say….=]

oh welz……
met up with Jess tis morning…..
not surprising that our conversation kept re-routing itself to my Uni application….
I’m worried, he’s concerned..haha!!!
he’s 1 helluva senior I got…..
boy I’m I lucky…….=]
anyway, past him his belated birthday present today….
n I was juz wat he needed….a new bag…
hahaha!!! guess I do hav a super-sensitive, ultra-accurate intuition…hahahaha=D
got my even more belated birthday present from him too=]
it a book….a LARGE book…full of compilations of some great archi. and interior designs…..
I’m so happy….its currently my biggest and most colour book….hahahaha!!!!!
TONNES of THANKZ Jess!!!!!!!=]

training today was torturous…..
went back into a T2 with an amateur and I almost broke my bake trying to make our boat move…..
firstly, tis ‘amateur’ partner of mine has technique problems….
secondly, he’s like 1 n a half times the weight of Derek……
HEAVY HEAVY, WEIGHT LIMITERD EXCEEDED…..COMMENCE SHUTDOWN PROCESS…..bip bip…biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii……………..
hahaha!!!!

besides all these….
nothing else happened today….
no reply from Joyce either (as in Joyce my pri-sch. mate, not Joyce my colleague …haha!!)

Nite every1=]

Fear is basically,

False Evidence Appearing True!!!

so why fear????

Wow.......

man, guess wat,
i was like randomly searching on yahoo,
n......
wat r the chances.....
boy....i managed to drop onto 1 of my pri. sch classmates blog....
wow!!!!!!!!!
this is so very very weird.......
i can't hardly recognised my classmates....
its been like 6 long years....
wah!!!!!!!
i'm so happy and excited and confused now.....
my hands are shaking

Memories stirred!!!

I dun particularly like my cousins….
especially the elder of e 2.
dun get me wrong, i've nothing against children,
in fact i like being around them,
but e thing is, our personality clashes….
juz can’t stand how she behaves…
how she’s such a glutton!!
how she’s so unlady-like!!
how she’s so quick to manipulate n exploit her brothers innocence to obtain wat she wants!!
(not tt I like her brother any more than her)…
how she’s always so demanding, n doesn’t accept rejections!!!!!!
but tts not y I brought her into my blogging topic 2day..
but…..something interesting happens today to me, n she was sort of the catalsyt….
see, she has really long hair, like till her waist I think….
though I dun see how it beautifies a 7 year old kid…..
but anyway, she came out of a shower, and was trying to dry her hair with a towel in the living room…
and the way she did it, reminded me of some1..
the way she flipped it over to her front with her head down and rubbed it dry….
stirred up my memories of some1,
some1 realli sweet, and nice,
some1 tt I share quite a few wonderful and unforgettable periods of time with….
some1 tt I was foolish enuf to let slip away from my life…..
haiz!!!!
thought they were juz very short and brief memories,
but these memories r still locked up in my ‘Treasured-Compartment’ of my memory bank.
sigh!!!!......
oh welz….at least I hav these memories to accompany me till some1 else comes and cures me of my ‘misery’……

today’s sat again…
n yes, as usual….there was training early early early in e morning=]
well…sir got us another 2 more new K1s….
2 brand new shiny hybrids….wow!!!!!*drool drool*
inaugurated on thurs….1 as been name Hath, e other Sath….
though I hav no idea wat these name means, but they sound really cool….
suppose to b 2 words taken out of Psalm from e bible…according to sir…..
meaningful….not 2 mention sounds mean n fierce too……
now our total K1 strength is up to 11:
3 hybrids (Hybrid, Hath and Sath),
1 raptor (Raptor),
2 scorpions (White and Blue-n-Yellow),
3 Tigers (Red-Blue-n-Yellow, Harimau Berantai and Senyum),
1 first generation Scorp (Mr-Ismails-Scorpian),
and 1 Moskito (Mosk).
1 hell of a high class, super-looking fleet...hahaha=D

anyway, thurs I got my first maiden training in our Mosk.
and 2day was my 2nd time in it….
until now, only a few privileged 1s like Isaac, Jeremy (though he couldn’t start rowing in it) and John had rowed it b4….
I’m among these privileged 1s…yEa!!!!
but then…
it’s only because no one else is able to handle the Mosk. coz it’s said to be freaking unstable and it is e wrong weight class….
tt i got assign it....but i dun mind=]
think only Isaac could realli tame it…
however, I really really like e feeling of rowing in Mosk……
stability isn’t really a prob now,
but e rudder being off-centered is my biggest worry…
apart from tt, it feels extremely good rowing in Mosk.=]
did lots of balance drills on Mosk 2day….
n I think being in Mosk really trains up my balance…
now, I can do a full cycle of upper body stretching in it….
alrite!!!!!!!! haha=D

My Semi-Finals

Vasin my front man, and me behind rowing like mad....k2-500m(mens open)semis...note!!! tis is a shot with parallex error...we are in front of the red yellow boat...hahaha=] but yes yes....i'm rushing!!!!!!!!!! COORDINATION!!!!!!!! hahaha=D

My Busiest Week!!!!

it has been hell of a busy week I juz when past…..
there was the SBDA finals (which was terrible)….
then got or team chalet…
then holidays over, and work starts again….
and now, I can say tt I’m a true blue member of the Singapore work force….
reason being, I’ve finally felt how it feels like to work 1 FULL Day,
waking up at 6am and arriving home at 11pm….
*phew…..* then I juz drop dead in bead and black out…
hahaha!!! well…this was on tues..
coz I had to goes Gan Eng Seng Sec for the Champ-Teen talk I was suppose to give,
then rush down to school to training the team,
then rush to Kembangan (all the way at the other end of Singapore) to tutor those sec 3s…..
man, tough day…..
and yup, juz in cast any1 reading this still havn’t figure it out,
I’ve been employed as a member of Synergy Coaching and Consultancy Pte Ltd…
yEa!!!!!

Tues day was my 1st day,
and well, lets juz say it wasn’t really as good as I had expected it to be….
I was quite satisfied aft it,
but apparently, my best than was really enuf, in well,
the bloody GESS teachers gave Coach Luke(my BOSS) a hard time….

an so, 2day, my 2nd day,
I gave all…110%...and I felt it when better then tues….
much better, at least 1 of the student proudly told their teacher that my class was so interesting enuf to be the very few lessons that he doesn’t dozed on in…*phew*….
but then, I feel I still could hype up the class enuf…
even Coach Luke say so….
Haiz!!!!! I’m trying, I’m trying…..

but I think wat I really like bout these job is…
I really get to learn a lot of new and important stuff about how to live a better life…
for example, with regards to interview,
I’ve learned how to shake hands professionally,
how to sit, stand and walk confidently,
and how social etiquette is really really important.
and upon learning these skills,
I’ve the opportunity to pass it down to others….
so noble..hahaha!!!

apart from this….
I think the most enjoyable part of this job is that...
I got to noe tons of new people…..
like……
Coach Luke= my dear boss…really charismatic, really professional and a truly truly nice person…winner of Mr. Singapore of dunno which year, an ex-model……an interesting character tt only a person in coma fall will sleep when he’s in class….respect respect!!!! he has a way for making people interested regardless of how dry the topic in discussion is….

Coach Jeff= nice guy….he’s a regular, and seems blur blur some times…hahaha!! but over all, he’s always quick in dishing out advice and help and words of concern…..

Coach Isaac= also a regular, mostly in charge of the IT stuff of or company….really faaaaarny guy who has a very faaaarny laughter….
hahaha!!!!

Coach Brandon= the most ‘suai’ (good looking *coughcough*) regular….hahaha!!! he has this cool image tt says ‘I’m a professional, but cool and funky guy too’ haha!!! he’s like the policeman, always doing his rounds when we coach, and always there to help when we’re in trouble……

Coach Esmiralda(hope I spelled it rite)= the only female regular I noe…. she give the impression of a friend big sister to me……very comfortable to be around with…n always asking ques and trying to get to noe others better……and I muz say, she’s the most dainty chop-stick using malay I’ve seen..haha=D

and from my batch of freshies…
Coach Yuka= my first half Japanese half Singaporean friend who speaks minimum jap and loves sushi…..she’s really fun to be around with, an somehow or another she seems so friendly and makes those around her feel real comfortable….and she’s a real good coach too…mayb the best out of my batch…..a true blue fun-loving gal...haha=D though she seems to hav problems coming to lessons on time..hahaha=D

Coach Joyce= not her real name, but her coaching name….very out door kind of person, always smiling and happy and very very interesting and funny personality…like me, she’s more of n out door person (she an outdoor camp instructor too)…may be tts why I feel most at ease around her, and there’s always lotz to talk about between us...another interesting fact, she like eating ‘panmian’ without ‘mian’… (noodle soup without noodles) hahahaha!!!!!!

Coach Henry= my first 21 year old army friend….really serious and solemn character, but juz a nice guy under his hard demeanor….although he’s the oldest in my batch, but he has the youngest looking face amongst all of us….hahaha!!!!!! an it seems to be posing a problem in his class……oh welz…hope it doesn’t worry u to much Henry……chillll…..

and finally

Coach Winny= still the same as usual…no change in head size….still as clumsy as last time, and still bullying me like there’s no tmr….she really can’t resist the temptation to give my poor head a push whenever I’m not aware….bah!!!! but well…I’m not complaining….juz grumbling…hahaha!!!!

Public Speaking.....

Public speaking….
something I really dreaded very much juz a few years ago…
I still dread it now, but at least I can carry myself thru it,
though I’ll be 1 hell of a nervous wreck after tt…
haha!!!!

today, I finally got hold of the guy, Jeff whose no. Winny gave me to apply for the assistant coach thingy….
n at once, I was invited to an interview…
boy was it a shocker..
only when I went for it, then did I noe I had allow myself to assume wrongly…
I thot e assistant coach and camp instructor thingy was more like an outdoor activity…
like those outdoor leadership camp and OBS camps…
but, it turn out that Aspire Hub was a life-skill learning centre….
like a tuition centre, juz tt it teaches people skills to get thru life…
hahaha!!!!!!
I was stunt initially, but later…
it didn’t seem that bad a job…..
though there will be lots of presentations to make thus lots of public speaking to get thru….
and to think juz 2 years ago,
I was panicking panicking during CCAB leadership camp coz I was the ‘lucky’ one chosen to public speak b4 dinner…..
I was so shaky and nervous…
and I was like trying bloody hard to hide it behind a cheerful face….
*phew….*
that practically started my journey into public speaking which led to those countless session where I had to brief, debrief, discipline, and explain stuff to my team…..
n now….
2 years later,
I’m standing in front of a class of sec 3s teaching maths,
n I’m soon gonna teach other how to handle the problems life throws at them…..
who could hav thot I could turn from a shy non-public speaker,
to a someone who is dependent on my public speaking skills to earn my living….
hahaha!!!!
surprises in life indeed….=]

anyway, after the interview, I joined in e AC(assistant coach) session immediately….
I was really impress by Coach Luke our dear coach today…
he’s really funny n interesting an stuff…
somehow or another he reminds me of Anderson….
the facial resembles and expressions, plus the way he speaks and stuff….
they all bear a weird resemblance to Anderson.
wonder whether they are related....
muz ask him....
oh welz…
the lesson was very very interactive and fun…
meet a few other of the trainee ACs there
there was Valerie, Audrey, Indah, Jonathan, Joyce, Gou Wei (I think), Yuka and finally my dear Winny…
all very nice peoples….
hope to attend more sessions of such=]

apart form tt…
had training tis morning, n it was terrible…
hope its juz one of our off colour session…
n not b4 coz of anything else….
dun feel like talking bout it coz its depressing…
so I’m juz gonna stop now….
sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep time!!!!

My doubles partners.....

hmmm…havn’t blog for quite awhile…..
been busy with uni applications e last week…
sigh!!! never knew that could b so bloody stressful and confusing.

anyway, yesterday was the 2nd day of SDBA…..
and it was Vasin and my race day,
n…..
it was fantastic…
everything went juz fine though we weren’t giving all out…..
told Vasin to hold back as I didn’t see e need to push harder
since it was confirmed that we qualified for e semis after our 3,3,30s…..
so it was juz a long hard pull past the finish line…..
less risk of errors…
but…..
I’m pretty sure the semis will be a lot tougher…..
but nothing we can’t handle.

oh welz…….
come to think of it…
throughout my 6 years of life paddling,
I’ve been quite blessed with good partners,
from my very 1st sec. 1 partner Jason Wong(fellow r ommate then too) to my present partner Vasin,
we did work really very very well together.

I guess it was with Derek that I truly felt the joy of paddling….
still remember our first partnership toward the end of sec 1,
Edward(my partner after Jason) decided to quit as he was a year older then e rest of us…..
well….me and Derek were doing the spastic water ballet stunt(ie, cannot keep direction).
hahaha!!!!!
but anyway, later it got better and better and better….
our 1st ever T2 race together was terrible,
slow start leading into back wash eating leading to last in heat….
bah!!! from then on,
we vowed to work hard on our starts and work hard we did….
our dragon boat starts in our T2 became the best in the team…
and we practically work our guts out every session,
and only then were we able to always lead our waves...
and even catch some K2s ..
we work together up the ranks,
from heavy “grandmother” T2 to light racing F3 T2, to Braca blades…..
from blur retarded sec 1s to a formidable T2 pair in kallang…..
boy, we even thrash those JC rowers then…hahaha!!!
and who could forget how bloody noisy we were down in e water…….
I was always e 1 yelling, cursing, swearing, screaming at Derek when something feels wrong, even at time when we were leading,
and poor Derek would juz quietly row and allow me to verbally abuse him…..
only on certain occasions he retaliates verbally……
we were like enemies in a same boat sometimes
but enemies who matched each other to the dot.….
we quarreled like a mismatch couple but we still ruled the wave in our event….
and who could leave out the ‘silver curse’ that we unfortunately picked up that is still workin on me till now….
always a Silver during nationals….but for other races, other colours are permitted…haha!!!
think I was more like a naggy n freaking demanding friend to him…..
and without me, he would hav miss who noes how many trainings for not being able to wake up in time,
or waking up in time, but falling asleep again in e toilet...
haha!!

oh welz……after Derek came lonely period of being a T1 rower,
but then in came Nicholas(for those who r wondering, it’s Nicholas Lin, not coach Nic…) to save me from the horrible depths of bachelorhood…..in terms of paddling tt is….=]
it was mid of 2003 n I had went thru 5 freaking terrible months of rowing a single,
n so, when Nic’s partner retired due to injuries,
Anderson(our coach then) gave us a chance to pair up…..
n I jumped at it..haha!!
we were good too, though not as good as me and Derek,
but I could maybe say around 90% of wat me and Derek had……
and to Nic….
there was only respect from me….
not only was he a committed rower…more committed than Derek I could say,
he was a Ace student with S papers n all which was e exact opposite of Derek….
but my silver curse with Derek seemed to hav infected us too, thought we were juz happy for coming in top 3.

well following that was that spontaneous on e spot pairing of me and Eugene for a K2 1000m race….
which was good enuf to had brought us to the finals,
and…
was 2nd during the finals until we capsized 50m b4 the finishing line……
hahaha!!!! though we cap, we were still laughing and joking and stuff…..
we were really down juz to hav fun, and not to win….
so…..
lets say we were grateful that we even got to e finals,
though I think we both felt like knock ourselves a few days after e race when we thot thru it…..
it would have been our maiden K2 medal…hahaha!!!!
think it was juz not meant to be…..haha!!!

then there was my dear Ashley….
Ashley: u pantat benkok!!!!!!hahaha=D
well, though we weren’t really working well together,
but 1 thing pairing up with Ash taught me was to cherish all those who I was fortunate enuf to be paired up with….
no matter whether they were good partnerships or terrible couples…hahaha!!!!!

n now, I’m with Vasin….
my 1st non Singaporean partner..hahaha!!!

Lets go!!!

well....
this is it...
today is race day...
battle time is set, n i'm all prepared to go down there n fight...
hope i'm more prepared then my opponents..
LETS GO!!!

I'm not e only Pek Hong....=D

made a new fren today….
she’s real affectionate n nice….
really friendly too….actually we’ve been seeing each other quite a lot,
started since 2 weeks ago I think…
coincidentally she’s always below my aunts HDB every time I come home late….
she’s always so welcoming…..
in case any1s assuming things now…..
my new fren is a stray cat…=]
think I’ll name her “Chip”…her left ears has been chipped….
hope she isn’t like “Tuesday”
havn’t seen “Tuesday” for very very long…
hope she’s ok….
too bad I’m leaving with my aunt...
if not, I would hav made “Chip” my family away from home….
sigh!!!

anyway, I had 2 new students 2day…
so now, I student head count is up to 5….yEa!!!!
Geraldine, Audrey, Ethel, Jared n Roderick…
ALRITE!!!!!!=]

ok… tis is sometime I found really interesting on the blog of another Pek Hong..
I was really surprise 2 find some1 else with e same name as me…hahaha!!!!
oh welz….here’s was she wrote:

In order to find out who suit u better, u have to know who u r exactly. hmmm, similar to 'judging oneself before judging another', i think. The test was based on my childhood experienced. There are three categories:

1.Isolator: If you are an Isolator, you need a lot of personal space. Isolators minimize emotion, are often guarded and unconsciously push people away, keeping them at a distance.

2.Fuser: If you are a Fuser, you have an insatiable appetite for closeness and don't like being alone. Fusers crave attention and are sometimes described as clingy.

3.Ambivalent: If you are an Ambivalent, you are a little bit of both. Ambivalents like to pull away, yet they want to feel close at the same time. They can also be confusing and hard to read.


n so,if tis is realli true…
I’m not pretty sure I’m a Ambivalent…=]
n coincidentaly Pek Hong’s a Ambivalent too…

"To love is not about changing others,

but is all about changing yourself for others"

My retardly stubborn aunt....

“~i choose to love u in silence,

coz in silence i find no rejection
i choose to love u in loneliness,

coz in loneliness u are mine~”

tis is e favour quote of a fren tt I’ve juz made……
but,
somehow, feels like she’s e only person tt I can open up 2 without being judged….=]

2day,
I’m not as happy as yesterday….
but then,
2day feels normal….
I think yesterday I was EXTRAORDINARILY happy….
I dun feel sad either….
hmmmm….
wonder whether there’s actually an intermediate between happy n sad???
or can 1 only either be happy, OR sad….??

anyway,
today, I found out how obnoxious a person my small aunt is…..
realized tt she’s oso 1 of those people who r retardly stubborn….
those tt only see wat they think is rite….
n think tt wadeva they do is always rite, or will b rite…..
wat idiots!!!!
n some of e time when they wrong…
they would still refuse 2 admit it…
ARGH!!!!!!
found out when we when kite flying juz now….
well…..
it was disastrous, coz then kite was not symmetrical,
so it always turn n twist n fall 2 e ground….
was trying 2 get her 2 be gentle when tugging at e kite….
but no,
she keep tugging at it as if she was pulling e moon towards earth……
of course it’ll be tug out of e sky like tt….
duh!!!!!! use some brain lah!!!!
I noe I ain’t no expert in kite flying,
but I do noe u need patience,
n tugging like mad ain’t no bloody patience….
so retarded!!!!!

apart from tt…
dun think I got anything else 2 blog anymore 2day,
except mayb juz tis….
“fren tt r limited 2 times of dining n hanging out with”
heard tis on e radio….
so r these considered true frenship????
if not…..
think i deserve 2 wallow in sorrows even more now…..

i'm fine,,,,

“Rowing is therapeutic”…
I feel much better now after tis morning’s rowing session….
think I really let out all my anger n pin in2 e water 2day…
left all those unhappy thing in Kallang,
n may they flow forever away from me with e tide…..
anyway,
me n Vasin practically flew….=]
Mr, See said: “u guys seemed happiest 2day”
hahaha!!!!! n we were….
we were leading…
tts n improvement…yEa!!!!
but then we still capped in e scorp.
we were moving very…errrrr….. “fa-gly”
(ie, fast but ugly)…hahaha!!!!

think I’m fine now…
hav accepted wat e results r,
n e fact it I can’t do anything pondering around it anymore….
so….
so be it then…..
think I finally can let go now…..
Thank Del, Tim, Nana, Juliet n ~kaTen~
noe I was really grumpy yesterday,
but really appreciate u guys trying 2 cheer me up…
luv u all…..=]
now I feel really bad for putting up yesterdays blog……
really didn’t mean all those nasty things I said….
I was juz e “Pissed-and-Evil Me” speaking yesterday….
sorry guys……..
please forgive me 4 saying such unpleasant stuff…
please do take offence….
sorry…

......

results r out….
I’m not happy….
I’m far from happy……
actually, I’m juz beating myself up inside now…
what happen???
why muz it be like tis???
most of e team did ok….
in fact,
Wei Yuan n Yina did very well…
but the rest were juz ok….
2 others, my results seems above average,
but wat e hell do they noe….
my scholarship is at risk….
if it doesn’t go thru…
I’m finish…..
ain’t got no freaking way I’m can make my parents afford my uni…
wat e hell, they still hav both my brothers to look out for…
shit!!!! hav no idea wats gonna happen now…..
really dun understand how people got worst results can juz relax n forget bout it…
why e team even hav e mood 2 go out after tt…
if it was Wei Yuan or nana who wanted 2 celebrate, I understand,
but e rest??????
WAKE UP MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!
those RESULTS SUCKS!!!!!
MY RESULT SUCKS!!!
but then if I dun,
I’m a spoilt sport…..
so wat the hell, can’t I juz go home n hav some private quiet time alone
without people giving me tt face….
u guys wanna party then go ahead….
but,
I dun see myself having any right to celebrate…..
dun u all get it?????
I’m I even a true fren of yours…..
for heaven sake, b honest with yourself……
was I ever considered a true fren…
or was it juz bcoz u guys ‘happen’ 2 be forced in2 e same team as I,
n its juz ‘happens’ tt I’m your captain…
n thus u’re forced to b my fren.??
how do u think I felt when every time I feel anxious of e results,
u guys juz sarcastically brush it of saying tt I’ll b on stage???
so am I now?????
why went I’ll try 2 calm myself down,
some will make comments like…
‘byebye pekhong (assuming tt I’ll get up there)’??????
so wat if I dun??? will u ever noe how terrible tt feels…..
to hell with u all man…….
IF U”RE JUZ ASSUMING…THEN SHUT YOUR FUCKING GAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wat comfort do I get from being around u all……
to seek glory for e achievement of other…..
TO HELL WITH TT!!!!!!!
noe wats e worse thing….
its 2 hv 2 pretend tt I’m alright juz so tt u guy dun go all mush n stuff on me …..
to juz show e concern bcoz its awkward 4 yourself 2 hav some else sad around…..
why did I ever spend so much time n effort on canoeing…
so wat if I got those useless coins……
SO WAT!!!!!!
was it worth worrying so much bout a team of people whom…
I’m not even sure whether I’m considered their fren or juz an extra….
I dunno….
u tell me, WAS IT WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m juz so freaking depress now
why do I always do well for those freaking bloody retarded useless sch exams n test,
then when it comes down to e real thing.
I FUCKING SCREW UP!!!!!!
wat e hell!!!!!!!!
why why why!!!!!
Wei Yuan, Yina, Shaun, Jeremy, Zhiwei all did damn well…..
I should be feeling happy for them,
I’m,
but why am I feeling so much anger as well……
why they can not do well constantly n when e real 1 comes along,
they do so freaking well…..
unless consistent work dun pay off…….
screw it man!!!!!!
why e hell am I being so selfish now!!!!!!!
wat e heck!!!!!!!!!!!!
SCREW EVERYTHING LAH!!!!!!

Happy shalalala...its so nice 2 b happy.....

Hello=]……
I’m in quite a good mood 2day,
though I woke up longing 4 something….
but,
oh welz….everything seems 2 hav turn out fine 2day…..

we were time trialing 2day….
n boy, I muz say,
4 our 1st time trials 2gether…..
we did GOOD!!!!!!!......
realli really happy with my timings….
but…..
I’m still not contented though….
muz break 2mins for our 500m….
n it is not impossible…..
if Bill n Kelvin can…..
me n Vasin muz!!!!!
juz a few sec behind now...
LETS GO VASIN!!!!!!!!yEA!!=]
anyway,
we finally gotta try e scorp. 2day….
IT WAS SWEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!
we did fly….
though there was lots of rocking too….
but hey… nothing we can’t handle=]
hope we can race in tt scrop….=]

tmr is e big day…
‘A’ level results out tmr…..
crap!!!!!
juz thinking bout it makes me uneasy……

Who n where r u?????

Around e bonfire we all gathered…
some sat on e soft warm sand, while other preferred to stand…
surrounded by people n frenz I knew throughout my 19teen years of life…
‘weird’, I said 2 myself….
‘Why r we all here?? thot I’ve lost contact with most of them……’
then….
as I looked up form my thoughts,
there u stood,
standin so comfortably beside me,
casually dressed in your cream top n white pleated skirt,
singing along n clapping 2 e tune of e song,
with e glow of e fire dancing gracefully across your sweet face,
n e gentle sea breeze blowing thru your hair,
u seemed ever so happy,
ever so carefree….
true happiness n joy shone thru tt smile of yours…
I felt content juz looking at u,
n e weirdness I initially felt were no longer there…
I was……..happy….

n then,
as e music died away,
n sleepiness crept unknowingly in2 e hearts of people around,
u settled down beside me,
n with a sweet goodnight,
u fell asleep with your head on my shoulder n your hands around mine…
loneliness, n e rest of e miserable stuff tt clouded my heart was no longer there….
never had I felt so carefree n happy……
n so,
as I stared out across e night sky,
heaviness fell across my tired eyes,
n slowly, my sleepy head tilted,
n leaning softly n gently on yours,
in2 dreamland I drift, knowing u were waiting patiently there 4 me……

Suddenly…

my eyes opened,
n there I was staring at e bare white ceiling,
lying awake I on my cold lonely bed,
I no longer felt tt warmth,
e clocked on my phone read 3:46
blinking my sleepy eyes,
I knew I was fooled.
turning across to my side,
i fell asleep again,
tis time only surrounded by e monotonous objects of my life,
with nothing specific 2 look forward 2 in e world tts beyond.

Lalalalalala!!!!!!

Hmm

There's a hero

If you look inside your heart

You don't have to be afraid

Of what you are

There's an answer

If you reach into your soul

And the sorrow that you know

Will melt away

(*chorus)

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

It's a long road

When you face the world alone

No one reaches out a hand

For you to hold

You can find love

If you search within yourself

And the emptiness you felt

Will disappear

*chorus

Oh oooh

Lord knows

Dreams are hard to follow

But don't let anyone

Tear them away, hey yeah

Hold on

There will be tomorrow

In time

You'll find the way

*chorus

That a hero

lies in you

Mhhh

That a hero lies in

You

nice song….by Mariah Carey….
is she e original singer???? hmmmm I dunno,
wadeva it is,
thinks it’s really a very touching n motivating song….
bout being strong n staying strong when we're faced with problems…
bout your personal inner ‘hero’….
e inners strength tt every1 has.
n, all we hav 2 do is juz search deep down, n look hard…
n somehow we’ll find it,
n all e probs around us will melt away,
n living wouldn’t seem like such a terrible thing anymore..=]
nice!!!!!!!!!

well, there’s a saying tt goes…
“How well we communicate is not buy how well we say things,
but by how well we’re understood.”
hmmm….tis really apply 2 me now since I’m now a MATH TUTOR!!!!
hahaha!!(*still can’t believe it)
but I dun really noe whether I’m being understood in class….
both Geraldine n Audrey(she came 2day…FINALLY) seems 2 noe n remember wat I teach,
but can’t say e same 4 Ethel…..
so I’m I being ‘understood’ here???? 50-50???
hmmmmm….
anyway,
something 2 be happy bout 2day,
1 of them, think it was Geraldine ask me tis:
“are u gonna teach us forever??”
apparently,
there was originally another math tutor tutoring them…..
n she/he errr…….suxs…..*coughcough….
I wasn’t really sure, so I told them tt,
n said tt she/he might come back…
n 2 my pleasant surprise, they actually tried persuading me not 2 go….
they complained tt she/he was bloody boring, n gave them a test…
Audrey even said she wanted 2 kick her…
hahaha!!!!
welz, at least now I noe tt I’m not really as bad a tutor as I think….
n they actually prefer me 2 another more experience tutor…hahaha!!!!!!
yEa!!!!!!
mayb though I’m not as knowledgeable,
but think I’m more interesting n stuff…hopefully…=]
there always laughing n joking going around in class while they’re doing their work….
so….
mayb things ain’t as bad as it seems=]

training tis morning was quite ok….
think me n Vasin r getting on really well…
4th session 2gether, n we’re oredi leadin…..
but,
dun think we’re at our best yet…
for 1 thing, he’s still dragging his exits. n his rotation is still erratic….
however….
really hope it’ll all turn out fine in our race….
top 3 at least…….