3:16 am, i'm suppose to be brainstorming and coming up with stuff for studio tomorrow(i mean thats why i'm in studio and not home......) but nothing seem to be coming up. to think that the past 2 days of R and R would have re-inspired me, but i'm coming to realize that, maybe it didn't.
-----
On friday, aft the 10hr plus bus ride the night before, the 3 consecutive dives and a-little-too-much drink after dinner, it was nice to just lay back on the rocker-chair at the beach looking up at the clear night sky. when everyones knocked out and in dreamland, one would think that the island would be dead quiet. but to my surprise, the constant rhythm of splashing of the waves agains the crudely constructed jetty, the whistling of the cooling sea breeze, plus the various cricks, squicks and hoots of coming from the jungle backdrop all came together like a well rehearsed symphony, something unexpected and, i must add, too darn rare in life today.
and being in the middle of no where when not a single souls awake was weirdly a very calming experience. plus the night sky was so clear, practically evey constellation was starring attentively down from up above, and the moon bathed eveything around in a such a soothing glow. it got me thinking, how nice it would be to just remain so forever, with no cares and no worries. guess its just the whole thought of running away from life that has been so unsettling now more-often-than-before, as well as home which doesn't at all feel like home because it just isn't. in a sense, it might be running away from people. most i'm glad, relieved and happy to alway be around, some i 'm blessed to have around and treasure beyond anything else, but unfortunately, a few seemed to be forced into my life, not wanting to be there, and certainly not wanted by me to be there. it is these few that makes life so unbearable, and these few that makes solitary so tempting sometimes.

-----

i was so prepared to sleep out there that night instead of the aircon room upstairs with the rest, but the flashes of lightning in the horizon was somewhat intimidating...haha!!
-----
oh well, i must say, though the past 3 days wasn't really a much needed time away, but nonetheless, the feeling of disregarding everything and anything in life for that few days just to do what i want, when i want and how i want was much refreshing.

anywayz. Happy Birthday Crosstina...hahahaha!!!

1, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to our dearest Aug-gies!!!hahaha!!!!

DSC04614, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.
The Singlish apeaking Asia trapped in an Ang-Moh's body...

DSC05329, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.
The Girl whose punches really do hurt...hahahahahahahaha!!!!!

ecprh17052008p049, originally uploaded by thwl.

1:09am.
Stuck in studio on the first week of sch...alone....

really missed being there........

reflections, relaxation, and rehydration

DSC05362, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

quiet alone time away from 'life' with all its complexity and complications for a short weekend...

Meet Fatty

DSC05345, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

adopted pet of my parents...hahaha....appears when there's food about or when there are people eating food about....disappears the rest of the time...hahahaha!!

even little and simple things matter,
it can change a whole day of 'downs',
and everything just a little brighter

bitter sweet goodbyes

Benita


Vanessa

Bye B, Bye V, you 2 will be dearly missed. have a great time over there and we'll see you in a few months time....take care and SMILE!!!!!.....

July the Twenty Eighth, five minutes to four in the morning.

i'm suppose to be in Rapid Eye Movement stage of the sleep cycle now as per what most normal homosapien are at this exact point in time in this exact side of the third rock from the sun. However, there are experience to reflected upon, and decisions to be made...

if ever theres a chance in life, i would choose to relive certain events of my past, alter some of my actions done and maybe prolong certain experience while cutting short other if possible. But it AIN'T so...i guess i have to make do and hope that what i live and do for today will serve to be a memory enriched and if possible destiny changed.

July The Twenty Eight, three minutes past four in the morning.

Starworld on cable just finished screen 'School of Life'...if ever the chance surfaces, please go catch this movie. Meaningful, heartwarming, hilarious and much-to-be-learnt-from.

Your Royal Highness!!!

n761030270_3237112_5991, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

Congratulation Peepok!! you've officially, formally, undeniably graduated and OLD...hahaha!!! and since you're the the first out of the HAC-kers enter the workforce, from now onwards, all future HAC outings, and gatherings shall be chauffeured and sponsored by you...wahahahahaha!!! thanks in advance=]

xoxo,
Drone No. 1.............
P.S. u lost Timmy!!! wahahaha!!!

Confused...
Indecisive...
Desperate...

of wishing and longing

DSC01267, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

maybe a locked box is lock because the one time it was opened, things didn't turn out well. things were lost, precious and priceless things. though don't be mistaken, it wishes and is trying to be opened again, to feel the confine space within it expand beyond the boundaries of infinite, to have its content shared and be share, all these seemed like nothing but wishful thinking as the haunting memory of the past remains locked within.

they say time heals, but not everything i say. some scars do remain.

anyway, today's is one of those day that i've always dreaded,spending a full day at home and not out with friends and treasured one doing the things i really love or want to do.

maybe thats what got me into this situation now when i suddenly have this feeling of being incomplete. it seems to me that nowadays i've been doing things that would have not necessary be in my nature, but as a result of being afraid to offend, or wanting to belong. to an extend, its not doing these things that's bugging me, but its despite doing this things, i still find my self constantly wishing for the better and still to the certain extend, being leftout. even though most of the time feelings as such only surface when my minds idle, but more frequent now than ever. even when i'm with people, and friends. the moments of seeing how they relate to one another so effortlessly, how the process of giving, receiving and sharing is done in such carefree manner, how couples obtain that unconditional love, all this causes a certain pinch inside. do i envy them. to be hornest...............yes.

only the other day, i was talking to a friend whom i was once very close to. i realised how i've been wishfully thinking that certain things are eternal, and forever. and it is comforting to hope that some things in life can be forever. therefore, i've sort of become a person that seem to hold on to things and memories. both bad and good. it seem that this memories are the reason of my desire to feel like i belong, and to a certain extent, has been holding me back for certain things i would like to do, and should have done or tried long ago.

oh welz......i'm hungry.....sigh

July Babies 3

t, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY my 'whatwhat' friend=]....hahaha!!!!!!(inside joke) anywayz, hope you had a great birthday, and may it be a start to a GREAT year ahead....heehhee.......WHAT WHAT WHAT!!! u win this time=]

July Babies 2

beat, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

yo yo check it out....can u feel the BEAT....hahahahaha!!!!!!!! Happy Birthday to the Birthday girl(center) of the Nua Gang......may u have a nua nua birthday and a nua nua year ahead=]....hahaha!!!

July Babies 1

[raggers] - 002, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

Luke 'Stilt'walker, a.k.a Lloyd Ng, a.k.a Starch Glue Brother, a.k.a. me Pai Kah Gang(PKG), a.k.a. Peanutbutter-Milo-grey sponge Buddy......hahaha!!!!!
Happy 'Model'icious Birthday=] .....hope your sexy legs remain sexy forever and ever....hahahaha!!!!! woooohoooooo to the PKG!!!!!!

_R8N9708.jpg-for-web, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

WOW WOW WOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW..................

June Boys!!

DSC04961, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

Happy Birthday toThe Tutor/Boss and The Archimate/O.G.mate/Colleague

ipodkitty, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

taken off electro^plankton...humans hard the most diffcult animal to get along with!

Memories....

manage to head back to the breakwater at east coast today. Though i've returned to east coast numerous times in the past 4 years, i've never stepped back up onto that break water since that night of Dec 03. come to think of it, 4 and a half years is a long time, not sure why i've never went back since then....maybe i didn't dare....maybe i didn't care....maybe i've moved on, or maybe i didn't.....honestly, i still don't know. why did i go back today, somehow i just can't help thinking that it was more then the fact that everyone was late and i had time to kill....somehow........

memories came back a little at a time. memories of the same feeling of not belonging that let us to excuse ourself from the group; the long walk along the beach, with the foaming sea water washing over our feet and the wet graining sand shifting under us; the easy conversation as we shared, reflected and occasionally teased one another; the comfortable silence sitting on the breakwater staring out of sea, content with the company we gave to one another, and the sudden shriek which was accompanied by hilarious uncontrollable laughter as we realized that the breakwater was home to rat at night...........

as i was sitting there in the warmth of the afternoon with the salty sea breeze against my face, i did also realize today, questions that had not occur to me then. why was i there that day? i didn't know anyone within your group, i had no business whatsoever in going to the other side of singapore, and moreover, we weren't even admittingly in any relationship at all. Just friends....just acquaintances....did we already know we were onto something then? or was it just me, being a single hand trying to clap.

i guess right up to today, i still question myself on the decision she made and the unspoken agreement that we seeming accepted towards the end. unconsciously, i suppose all the 'why's and 'what if's of that, that-was-not-meant-to-be still haunts me today. secretly festering away deep within, influencing the decisions and actions that i have made, or have not dare to make since then. to a certain extent, it has made me who i am today...hmmmmmm....funny how such a brief experience so long ago can have such prolong after effects, how something as sacred and beautiful as that could be that torturous, unforgiving and painful and that faith could be such an bitch.

letting go has never been a skill that i have....and i guess that this is a scar i'll carry permanently. but dun get me wrong, i'm not complaining of anything here. just that maybe writing it down can provide some form of closure.

oh well, nonetheless, today was FANTASTIC..nothing beats blading with sun, sand, sea and great friends to share a day with. should really do this more often, but of course, we must work on moderation when it comes to dinner time...hahahahaha!!!!

William Parrish(Anthony Hopkins): It's hard to let go, isn't it?
Joe Black(Brad Pitt): Yes it is, Bill.
William Parrish: And that's life... what can I tell you.

Meet Joe Black,1998

manage to catch Meet Joe Black on HBO earlier this afternoon, and being a sucker for sentimental movies, i found it absolutely fantastic=]...it was comical yet enlightening, emotional but not to the mushy-extent, and within 3hrs, cover the common encounters of the common men from family to friends to enemies; parental love, unconditional love, love between siblings, love at first sight, true love and love of friendship....definitely one i would recommend all to see...=] some experienced, some not; some hopefully so, some never......

here's another favourite quote from the movie

William Parrish: Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.



please catch it if you can....=]

after hrs or panick and anxiety, constant moment of frustration, desparating and worries, and 2 sleepless night, finally............byebye......, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
ALRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!

*dotdotdot*

hahaha!!!!! ok i'm high....very high(think we were higher yesterday when we blasted hokkienguas to keep us awake when rushing the model...hahaha)....

sitting here listening to paul chat with selena...
no one else is in office...
and i've still not made up for the sleep i missed....hahahaha!!!! well at least it will be a long weekend

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!

Architects are workaholics??
Workaholics are architects??
which is made for which???

had to go back to artfriend to get more ACRYLIC today, and thought i stop by office to just print out and updated plan since i had the key and really really wanted to get the DARN model right once and for all....shockingly when i arrived, the office door was unlock as it open, *jaw dropped) THE WHOLE OFFICE WAS THERE?? all 7 of the permanent staff...seemed like any other work day(a part for Victor in berms...)....*dotdotdot*....ITS A SUNDAY,WHYS EVERYONE STILL IN THE OFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIICEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

then it struck me, i'm working too...hahaha!!!....sigh....

another weird thing today...on the way back to sch to saw/sand the ACRYLIC, saw a SBS bus 64, those new single deck ones with 'double volume' interior and high tech looking led screens instead of white and red painted metal number plates. It had 'MERRY CHRISTMAS' and 'HAPPY NEW YEAR' blinking on its led screen....*dotdotdot* get your led screen under control driver!!!!

vesak day = just-another-office-working-day = difficult-morning = should-be-sleeping-now

DSC04869, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

after the pass week....this is a unnecessary necessity........hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Early morning.......

Bus from Clementi to Ganges Avenue..........
*Confused*
Bus from Ganges Avenue to Toh Guan Road East.........
*Realization*
Bus from Toh Guan Road East to Sch.........
*Confused Again*
Bus from Sch to Office........
*Worried*
Taxi from Office to Macpherson Road......
*Hopeful*
Taxi from Macpherson Road back to Office......
*Desparated, Frustrated, Hot, Tired and Hopeless*
Taxi from Office to Aljunied Road.....
*Hopeful*
Taxi from Aljunied Road back home to Clementi..........
*Zombie Mode.*

Reason for the one day cross-country trip,

1MM WHITE OPAQUE ACCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYLIC!!!!!!

i wish i'm a snail....sometimes...

DSC00673, originally uploaded by cloudberrie.

mornings are hard....
can't wake up....need to sleep, but can't seem to at the right time......LIKE NOW!!!....sigh.....

work is fun, but why can't fun be stress and worry free??
must enjoyment alway comes with terms and conditions??

need to buy 1mm white opaque acrylic,
need to find place to buy 1mm white opaque acrylic,
need to laser 1mm white opaque acrylic,
need to laser 1mm white opaque acrylic CORRECTLY.
how can artfriend be art's friend when they dun even have 1mm white opaque acrylic.....

i dun trust the laser machine!!!!!!!!..........*BLANK...

its the holidays,
but why's Autocad's still accompanying me 10hrs or more a day......HEEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPP!!!!!!!

sigh...i want the deep blue sea....fishes, corals custaceans and all.....sigh.......