Towl(pronouced like towel) the owl caught in the evil life-strangling, soul-sucking grasp of Evil Blue2White's evil

malicious state-of-the-art camera pouch which he spend countless evil hours conceiving and building. Evil

Blue2White wasn't always an evil villain. Once a carefree and happy octopus just like any other octopi in the world

floating in the big blue ocean, he was caught by Dr Greater Evil, who's evil beyond any evil in this world, and was

subjected to years of evil torture and evil genetic experiments and in the end, after losing 3 of his 8 arms, and

uncontrollable cellular division on his face, Evil Blue2White became who he was today, with 1 evil blue eye said to

burn into the souls of all who stare at it.

It was his birthday...

its her birthday...

Birthday's are celebration of gift. Not just of birthday presents to the birthday boy/girl, but more importantly the celebration of the gift of "you" to the world. and no matter how time goes by, and how old we all get, you both will remain as always the wonderful and beautiful(hamsum...in your case lloyd!..haha!)people you are in my heart.. Thank you both for coming into my life.

Happy Birthday!

“When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.”

Bob Hope

from me to me

as cliche as it might sound, please know that it not you, or you or any of you as a matter of fact. its just me. me being the emo-worrying closet pessimist i am as default. so if i've written something wrong or inappropriate in your opinion, i do apologize first. please know that without all of you, you, you and everyone else, i would be worse of then i'm now, and that i'm just trying to clear my thought here.

"There’re times you tell yourself thing’s are going to be ok...just like what you told those that you care when they were in need. But sometimes, that still lives you unsatisfied, and though you’re not particularly sad nor depress, happiness still seem far beyond your reach. You just sort of feel alone and unimportant. It’s like though there are people you care deeply for, there seem to be no one who deeply cares for you.

Each day goes by like yesterday where the only solace you could seek is the short few hours after work where alone you run pass strangers one after another. Not really knowing what you’re running from or running towards. Trying to convince yourself that you’re just trying to be like any other self-respecting, responsible human being trying to stay healthy and fit. But in truth, it’s an excuse to stay out as long as late as possible cause the so call ‘home’ you return every night is no where close to the calming sanctuary a home should be. And its also the time when your head’s so caught up telling your lung to struggle for each breath that’s it distract you from the haunting emotions that plague you during the rest of the days. It the only way that you can get yourself so exhausted that your mind stop wondering of think bout all the unhappy things during you ride bus ride back home, and exhausted enough to knock you out cold when you finally lay down in bed giving you no chance to ponder bout what’s sucks in your life.

then there’re those other time, where you’re just so sapped of energy to running from wallowing in your desolation that you just wonder aimlessly along the banks of the river for somehow and not knowing why you what and why you’re there. And though seeing all those happy people hanging out together in couples or in group all along the river bank leaves you longing for what seems to be missing, your still find it somewhat comforting to be there. Maybe it because the joy of these people unconsciously rubs itself onto you, or maybe it just feels better to see other happy. If not, it might just be that you’re a sadist and that you just subconsciously want to be close those things that you seem to not have thus giving you even more reason to lament over how sad your life is. Maybe, just maybe it because being near that watery body that you’ve come to be more at ease in, where you had as many happy memories in than out somehow makes your disguising life a little more tolerable

Once in a while, something good actually happens living you a ray of light that you hold onto to get you through the dreadful thoughts and seemingly meaningless and unfulfilling work. It becomes like a lifeline that you desperately hold onto so as not to drown in the self-bashing, gloomy and disappointing whirlpool that you has willingly dive head first into. But more then ever you find that when that day-you-have-looked-forwards-to-so –veryvery-much arrives, it doesn’t live you any better than you were before. Although its all smiles and cheery for a while, for which you’re more than grateful for and the company relieves you of the burden that has weigh you down during the week for that fleeting moment, but nonetheless when those brief few hours has past, once again, you sucked back into the murky depths. At times, even deeper than you were before cause you start remember those carefree time we had days and months before and question yourself why are we not longer like we were before, while others seem to still remain so. This question, which after countless attempts to answer, still leaves you in despair, and frustrated. Is this all part of growing up, if so you rather not and be like Peter in Neverneverland.

Maybe it time for you to wake up from the fairytale land that you’ve hoped for, where those that matters to you would be always there and that if you give willingly, you’ll receive in return when the time come. Shake yourself out of this suicide slumber and know that ultimately it’s you that matters to yourself. If you’re unwilling to help yourself and continue to withdraw into that life-killing cesspool of jealously, discontentment, misery and anger you’ve been swimming in, no one else can help you even if try really want to. WAKE UP PEK!"

Disney Pixar's Partly Cloudy [full]

BEAUTIFUL!!!!

taken off bbc, originally uploaded by CAbure.

unassuming beauty

unassuming beauty, originally uploaded by CAbure.

feeling like i've done something wrong...
problem is, i've no idea what it is...

when the aunts not home....

HAHA

HAHA, originally uploaded by CAbure.

the answer to a large portion of 'why's in my life...=]

Nagasaki bomb cloud, originally uploaded by pangalactic gargleblaster.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
JUST unbelievable!!!!
just when i thought i can't hate a person more,
she proves me wrong!!
i'm angry,
beyond what i'm felt for a longlong time!!!!!
I wished i could has just when BLOODY 'NAGASAKI' on her on the spot!!!
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHH!!!!!!

this ain't healthy................

this is it!!!!!!!

"This is the law of benefits between men; the one ought to forget at once what he has given, and the other ought never to forget what he has received."

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Thanks Anonymous, whoever you are!!!!

Dissertation makes a sleepy, thirsty and not a very happy Pek.

Since i woke up today,
i had:

-1 hr of snooze per every 1 hr of reading
-1 litre of Farmland freshmilk
-2 litres of water
-2 litres of Sunkist orange juice
-1 packet of soupy instant noodles for lunch
-1 bowl of Post Blueberry Morning cereal for dinner

urghhhhh...........feeling fat and bloat now........

No Pain, No Gain

No Pain, No Gain, originally uploaded by CAbure.

today is relatively a good day,
i rediscovered the joy of baking,
and remember that its the cleaning up that i hate.

i drop my buspass, atm card and 7 bucks,
but meet a kind soul,
though i had to step into a police station for the 2nd time in my life.
thankful that the officers were all very nice.

dinner was good, with good company,
and the walk in botanical gardens was refreshing.

heard on the radio this afternoon,
something that that Yas said that i thought was really quite true
to love someone
doesn't mean one needs to tell the one they love,
this is right and that is wrong;
do this but don't do that.
love is not to be one's conscience constantly,
like Jiminy Cricket is to Pinocchio.
but what's important is to be there always,
prepared to catch the one they love when they fall.
to support, encourage and believe in them.
and never ever ever ever ever ever.....
to judge them based on their mistakes.

i guess Yas couldn't have been more right.

Gotta Have You

nice song.

feelings felt but words unspoken
due to the 'what if' thoughs that haunt a worrier's mind.

thanks prawn for the recommendation

Nobody Knows Me at All

WAHAHAHA!!!!!

years back, i use to keep a little quote written on a tiny slip of paper in my wallet.
it was a qoute that i stumbled upon in the library and it stuck a cord in me.
so i wrote it down and i kept it.

many years and 2 wallets later,
now i can''t remember the exact words and the sayer of it.
all i remember is the vague gist of the quote
a quote which i've constantly remind myself to follow.

but now, more so than before, i find myself trying to remember.
its vague shadowy outline crucial,
like a lifeline that i'm hanging on to.
for if i've never stumbled onto it,
i figure i would have broken down and gave up on life many times over.

the vague shadowy outline:

one ought to forget immediately what one has given,

but one ought to never forget what one was given.

i might be wrong, so if anyone can help me remember, please do! i would like to remember again.

Up On The Roof

i want a roof to climb onto........

by Linda Solovic's .

Feeling less like one..........old age.............

pre-post declaration:
i'm in no right to complain to be in this pickle, for to be in it, one would already be considered lucky. Moreover, there are other less fortunate than i'm out there, and if anyone should be complaining, its them, not me. so this post is not a complain, but just a sort of commentary, a load of mindless rantings so that i can stop worry bout it and get to work. Do hope i don't sound like a spoilt ungrateful narcissitic brat...

2 phone calls today were the result of this bunch of confusion.
time management,
financial planning,
and prioritising...the 3 answer to my thought which i already know, but.........well........

anyway, looking beyond a life of needs, to a life of choices and wants( that why i say i'm already fortunate, for i've no need to worry bout needs of survival, and desires are the source of my worries). there are tonnes and tonnes of things out there which i've not done, or have not finish doing, that i want to do, but i've never gotten to it due to certain constrains and limits of life. my own life in particular.

i want to do well in my architecture pursuit. not just to pass, but achieve something out of it. for i know i can do much more, and better. Its my passion and that its not just work no more. Mr Farlow once said, if one is doing what he likes, one won't need to work a day in one's life. i want to stop being restless while designing, to stop being a procrastinator, and to stop having mental blocks.

i want to be part of the lives of those i treasure, and not just a hi/bye entity, but to matter, and to be dependable on and to be able to depend on, and to mean more than just another person in another life, to share not just moments joys, but times of trouble, and get one another through it. on top of this, to be much more to one above others, and to do much more for one.

i want to play capoeira. Not just to do it as a 2 times a week health routine thing, but to really incorporate it into my life. the skills and knowledge, that traditions and values, the practices and beliefs. all of which i'm grown to be accustom to and have felt a sense of belonging to. and i want to get better at it, to play with a flow and flexibility, to be decisive and precise in my attacks, to be clean and proper with my floreiros.

i want to dive more, and not just like onces or twice a year. to go back to the santuary thats out there in the deep blue, is like being home. no worries, no troubles, no stress, just to float weightlessly out there, taking in the colours of another world, colours one can never find on terra firma, and to just quietly observe.

i want to go back to endurance sports. though i never like running whatsoever, but the rush of completing a long distance run, or swim, or cycle, that sense of achievement and relieve, its like a drug that nothing can replace. i want to be able to complete that run, or that swim without giving up halfway, and not knowing how it felt like to have completed them.

i want to travel. to see more of the world than that little bit of what i've seen uptill now. For my world is very small now, with parts of malaysia and singappore, a teeny bit of australia, a peek of thailand, a glimpse of scandivania, and a teaspoon of europe. There's so much more out there to be experienced.

i want to skate more.With world rushing by me and wind against my face wisking away the humidity of the tropics, to be be able to achieve such speed by just strapping on a little something, its really an awesome feeling, not replacable by anything else.

and to cap it off, there are other materialistic wants that i have, but i shan't mention them here for i might sound more like the S.U.N.B that i already sound like.

well, back to the start, time management, financial planning and prioritising if done correctly will get me all this, the formal 2 are tough, easier done that said, but the latter, i don't really want to do it, for there are all as important to me....crap....life is a large sour pickle...no wonder i never did like pickles.....

i've really forgotten how a starry night should really look like up till Saturday night.
though it was Earth Hour, but i didn't turn off my light coz the 7.2V Torchlight was my only light source with 25.4m deep of seawater over me..haha!!!
But anyway, when we finally surface and did manage to turn off my torch...the sky took our breath away. Stars were littered everywhere, and there wasn't a single spot in the sky where you would have pointed and not be pointing to one or more stars. in Singapore, a clear starry night would mean cloudless skys with widely spread spots and dots of star blinking. But floating in the middle of the sea a starry night means a sky densely peforated with stars so fully packed that the whole entire sky shimmers like sequin. It like being in the planetariums omni theater, the rough curvature of the atmosphere can be seen as the stars spreaded from on end to the other, and even though it was pitch black, we could see. the effect of all this stars shining down on 6 of us floating on the surface of the wide open sea was truly magical..

on a side note!!! tan on friday, burnt on sat, and sun, and i have a feeling lobster red tomorrow, and peeling-like-a-banana by wed...sucks to be back!!

oh ya! Tim, for you...tons of Titan Triggers; a 25cm thick White Starry Moray; 1 equally big Black-Spotted Moray; 1 solitary turtle; 1 humongous lobster; the usual family of Humphead parrotfish, 3 adult and a baby; schools of Juneville Barracudas; a microscopic 1.5cm Squat Lobster, and *drumroll*....the pièce de résistance.....
1 gi-normous Mable Ray, not your typical plate size sambal stingray, but a 2.5m wing span giant, and
2 awesome whitetip reel sharks, which i sacrified a thumb to spot, at home in their coral den

we bask in your jealousy, bro!! haha!!!!

Little Red Riding Hood reintepretation!!

Cool Sh**!!!! hahaha!

the 96 service from NUS is seriously pissing me off.

Weekdays last 3 weeks:
i dragged myself out of bed in DDS at 7am to hopefully catch the 8am shutter service back to my aunts condo from Clementi. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! three to four 96A comes(and two to 3 183 pass the opposite busstop) before a 96. meaning i've to wait at the darn busstop for 45-50 minutes for a 96, and i'll miss my 8am shutter bus by plus minus 5min, and end up waiting another 40mins for the 845am shutter bus. So in total, roughly 30mins spent on the actual bus rides and 90 %^#$$#^%&%# mins spent WAITING!!!!


Weekend last week:
8am i'm waiting at the busstop to take 96 hopefully to make the 845am shutter bus from clementi. checking the info. board, none-peak hr frequency for 96 is 10min max as compare to 33's 18mins, and 188's 16min.....and guess wait.....one 33 and two 188 came before a single 96 arrived. waited 45mins for the stupid 96, missed my 845am shutter bus, and have to wait another 45mins for the 930am shutter bus....ARGH!!!

Monday, Tuesday and today:
lost faith on 96 and decided to cross the road to wait for 183 instead. AND THEN!!!! all 3 days, i sat there as stare as 96 drove by opposite within 20mins of me waiting for 183. JUST SHOOT ME!!!!!!

THANKS ALOT for wasting my time STUPID BUS SERVICES!!!

Struggles with oneself...

taken off http://laimikis.wordpress.com/

If only all things in life are that easy....wait....*scratchscratch*....diets are never easy too....darn it!!!

on a totally unrelated note...today i had a internal struggle within me. It wasn't bout something that just popped out of no where, cause i did pop its 'nose' once in a while into my mind, but most of the time i just gave it a flick and ignored it, and those time that i actually gave it much thought, i couldn't ballz up to the decision. but today, it's 'nose' came pokinig around again, while i was brushing my teeth this sleepy raining saturday afternoon.(yes...i only woke up in the afternoon....just a little after noon if i may add.) all this time, it has been there, maybe it just me being oblivious, but i think it has slowly been reveiled to me. not that i've done nothing, but maybe i've just not done enough. so it got me thinking again......

TO SHAVE OR NOT TO SHAVE(my head that is..haha!!) i think i've reveiling hair line, and my side, when they grow just a little longer, they're like weeds and its difficult to keep them tidy, as difficult as typing on microsoft with your left hand whils simultaneously sketchuping with your right and watching tv at the same time(dun believe me, i dare you to go try...) darn you people with silky soft long hair, why's the world so unfair and i've to be stuck with a head of curly stringy carpet....BOOOOO......

but yar...i'm not talking bout shaving like army boys shaving, i' talking but shaving like smooth as baby's butt shaving...baby's butt...darn it!! what in the world was it thinking!!!! think i shouldn't, i dun what to be wearing a baby's butt on my head!!! pssshhhhh...

p.s. this is a stupid post...sorry for wasting everybody's time...but wait...if you're reading this, it means you in a ishouldbedoingsomethingelsebuti'mjustprocrastinating mode...so in that case...i'm not sorry!!..HA!!!!!

Just another Friday in March

Today when by with nothing much and nothing at all,
Another day passing by with nothing to show.
I woke and I slept and I woke and I slept,
Being tugged nauseously back and forth
Like a rope in a war of tug-of-war.

People came and people went
Few lingered and said hi,
Other just merely pass me by.
None of whom really mattered,
just tiny specks in an empty white washed mind.

Funny how comfortable one gets to some
To an extend where comfort and dependence becomes a blur
With none that matters being around
Having lunch alone is dreadful so might as well not eat at all
For dinner will come surely like the sting after a fall.

So finally, in my company at 7 in the evening
A big Mac, some fries, with nuggets and ice tea,
Accompanied by a combination of barbeque sauce, mayo and chilly,
A dinner that filled the stomach,
But not the empty nothingness of another Friday in March.